A Love Story. Part 2 (The first not-date-date)

I realize writing this all in this much detail is probably way too much for anyone to read. I make no apologies. I'm writing this for me. And Aaron. Mostly for Aaron. So that I can call this his Valentine's Day present.
 
   And so Aaron fell in love with the back of my head. He would watch me run my fingers through my long dark hair and imagine that some day we'd make gorgeous little babies together. No. Actually that's not how it happened at all. But I like to pretend. Really I fell in love with his insightful comments. His witty retorts. His confidence. And something about his smile, and those dark brown eyes.
   Emotionally I was getting to a really good place at this time in my life. I was doing all the right things. Going to church, reading my scriptures, saying my prayers. I felt close to my Heavenly Father. I think that's why He let me know early I was going to marry Aaron. I had this crush on Aaron for weeks and pined for him to ask me out. I walked with him after class, stopping occasionally for a Jamba Juice, just trying to stretch the time with him. In my previous dating endeavors, I had grown to believe that if I acted too interested in a guy he suddenly lost interest in me. So, I was not going to be the one to ask Aaron out first. I thought constantly about how to act just interested in him enough, so that he would ask me out, but not seem clingy or desperate. But then came the moment. The moment where I looked back over my shoulder at him during class and our eyes met for a brief second. Something silently was said between us. And I felt something tell me I would marry him. Our conversations at this point never delved any deeper then what's your major, nor lasted longer than 10 minutes. But I knew I was going to marry him. From then on I stopped worrying about how to get Aaron to ask me out. I just knew it would all work out.
        And then one Wednesday after Spring Break it happened. We were walking our usual route when Aaron somewhat nervously told me that he had wanted to ask me to the Easter Pageant before Spring Break. But the day he was going to ask me I had taken off so fast after class he didn't have a chance to ask. I apologized for my quick departure and happily suggested we get together another time. I was incredibly nervous and gave him the wrong phone number. I told him my old house number. I hadn't used that number in years. As soon as I finished saying it I realized I had said the wrong number, and had to tell him I was an idiot and just said the wrong number. I then gave him the correct number, but Aaron thought I was messing with him and giving him a rejection hotline or something. I got his number as well, and was forced to use it sooner than I had planned.
      I got home from school that day and was absolutely giddy. I told my roommate the whole story. To which she replied, "Lauren you have to call him right now and ask him to go to the movies tonight!" To which I replied, "NO WAY!" Remember that whole acting too interested thing... I was certain if I called Aaron right then, just a couple hours after he gave me his number, he would think I was crazy. And desperate. And would never want to talk to me again. But Audrey and her boyfriend were only off this one night for the next two weeks. If we were going to go on a double date it had to be that night. She wouldn't leave me alone about it. Her and Stevenson blockaded my computer and TV until I finally gave in and agreed to call him. On one condition - it wasn't a date! I was not calling him and asking him on a date. I was just calling to ask him to hang out, as friends.
     So I called, and Aaron answered. I tried to sound casual. Told him my roommate and "some friends" were going to the movies tonight and asked him if he wanted to come. Aaron of course, assumed I was asking him on a date and came over to pick me up dressed all snazzy and smelling so good. And so he was completely confused when I tried to ask our home teachers to come with us as well (they declined, as they were previously instructed to do. I was just trying to avoid making this seem like a date). We got dinner first at a cute little restaurant next to the theater. But I didn't order any food. Because then it would have been like dinner and a movie, and that's a date. But if I just drank water and insisted I wasn't hungry, well then it wasn't a date. It made sense in my head.
    After our not-dinner-dinner, we walked over to the theater. The movie didn't start for another hour or so. Aaron and I decided to go for a little walk around the parking lot. On that walk a lot of the nerves started to settle. Conversation came easily. We just got to know each other, playing a question game. We asked each other every question under the sun that hour. Starting with silly things like what animal would you be, and ending with serious things like, what's one thing no one else knows about you. We almost didn't go into the movie, we were having so much fun talking. But in the end we decided Audrey and Stevenson might worry about us if we didn't show up for the movie.
     When the movie (Guess Who) was over Aaron drove me home in his beautiful red truck (I miss that truck). We stood there awkwardly in my parking lot trying not to let the night end. I made a lame comment about the amount of stars compared to the stars in New Jersey. Aaron told me that some day he would take me to Saguaro Lake, if I really wanted to see stars. "Someday? Why not right now?" I asked. There were a million reasons why not right now. For one it was already pretty late, and I had a job interview at 8:00 the next morning. For two, I probably shouldn't have gotten in the car with a guy I pretty much barely knew and let him drive me out to the middle of nowhere, with no one else knowing where I was. And that's not even close to a million reasons, but it's at least two good ones. We didn't let that stop us though. We made the 40 minute drive out to Saguaro Lake and continued our question game. We laughed and talked and for the first time since I got to Arizona I was comfortable.
      Saguaro Lake was beautiful. And he was right. There were a ton of stars. We walked down to the pier and Aaron gave me his sweatshirt. We silently watched the stars. I noticed he was cold, and I offered a hug to warm him up. I fit perfectly into his arms, with  my head on his chest. This person I had never touched before, and yet it felt familiar and perfect. We held each other for a while, and when I went to pull my arms back from around him my CTR ring somehow flew off my finger and fell to the bottom of the lake.
     It seemed significant that this ring would fall off here, never to be seen again. Somewhat foreshadowing of the ring that would come here, just four weeks later.

A Love Story. Part 1.

I was a frazzled crazy mess when I met Robin. I had blisters on my feet, I was so not used to the heat of the Arizona sun, I registered for a class on the wrong campus, and overall was feeling crappy and scared about my decision to be living in Arizona. But then I finally found the Institute Building. Institute is an optional religion class you can take through the Church of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints. There's a bunch of different classes you can chose from, ranging from Book of Mormon to Principles of Leadership to the Old Testament. I remember standing there staring at the schedule feeling completely overwhelmed. I had no clue there were so many options. And this girl I have never seen before looks over at me and says, "You should take Book Of Mormon 2 with Brother Ray. It starts right now." I had just come from my Bones, Stones and Human Evolution class (aka the worst class ever) and thought I wanted more of a break before having to rush to Institute. I told her so, and she replied, "Oh but I've heard Brother Ray is great! You should really take this class with me!" Said the girl I had never seen before. I hadn't made any friends in Arizona yet, and thought well this girl obviously seems friendly, and maybe she needs a friend too. So I signed up for Brother Ray's Book Of Mormon 2 class, at 11:30 every Monday and Wednesday. 

Meanwhile, Aaron was signing up for his Institute classes. He already had an Institute class on Tuesdays and Thursdays that he really liked. But he had other classes on Monday and Wednesday and wanted the free parking Institute offers, if you are registered for a class that day. And so, you guessed it, he registered for Brother Ray's Book of Mormon 2, for the free parking. 

I sat in the second to front row, next to Robin. Aaron sat behind me. Robin disappeared a few weeks into the semester...

Words Olivia doesn't quite get...

Olivia loves talking to her baby brother. She talks in a super high baby voice and says ridiculous things. She always calls him a "cuter".  As in a noun, as in, "Oooohhh you are such a little CUTER!"

However this morning was the best... "Oh you are so cute you're a little honeymoon! Yes you are a honeymoon!" Then looking at me, "Mom, honeymoon means cute right?"

Oh and last night, "You are so romantical baby brother... so romantical..." I should probably correct her, but it just cracks me up too much.

And then sometimes she just plain ol' makes up words. I am always telling her how clever and smart she is. The other day she responded, "Yeah my brain is SO thinkable! It's always thinking... it's so thinkable."

And then we were talking about how smart daddy is (got straight A's in all his classes last term!) and she responded, "Yeah, he's so smart I think he has TWO BRAINS!" Maybe she's on to something there...

Also, today Aaron took Abigail on a little date. We are trying really hard to make sure she doesn't get lost in the shuffle. She's such an easy going girl, and her brother and sister are both high demand, it's easy for Abigail to get a bit lost. Aaron came home and told me he asked Abigail about her favorite color (pink), favorite drink (juice) favorite food (honey) and then when he asked her what her favorite game was she loudly replied, "ZELDA LINK GAME!" I don't know how he's done it, but he successfully brainwashed my girls into thinking there is absolutely nothing better in the world than watching him play Zelda Link Game. They genuinely love it and beg him to play it all day long. It cracks me up. If  only I could teach them how fun Pinterest is!

Week from heaven.

Aaron was off this week. It was heaven. We went bowling, out to lunch, relaxed around home, and for our big adventure spent a day down in Pittsburgh at the Children's Museum with my sister-in-law and her sweet kiddo's. It was a blast. Seriously, Pittsburgh Children's Museum is super fun. And I got to fulfill a childhood dream of seeing Mr. Roger's shoes and sweater, and puppets! It was super exciting. Aaron goes back to school tomorrow, and it is going to be ROUGH!

I made him.

Wish the cameras were rolling

Seriously the funniest event of our lives just took place. That is if you laugh at poop. Which I do. So picture this.

Aaron and I are seated on the loveseat in our living room. Nathan's diaper is pretty soggy. I ask Olivia to get me a diaper. She requests to help. I consent, as she's getting better and better at this diaper changing thing, and by the next baby (YEARS AWAY) she will be a pro. So I lay Nathan across my lap, his little bum aimed at Aaron. Olivia gets the diaper completely off, just as Aaron hears a familiar grumble from Nathan's tummy. Aaron frantically grabs for the diaper, but it is too late. Pooh is shooting every where. Mostly all over Aaron. He managed to contain a lot of it to the diaper, but still... if you've ever had a breastfed newborn you know the volume can be quite ridiculous! So there we sat, covered in yellow soupy poop. We were just silent for a moment. Disbelief at what just happened. And then I busted a gut. I laughed so hard I was scaring my children. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I could barely catch my breath. I couldn't even begin to clean it up, I was paralyzed by laughter. Aaron had to take control and start cleaning up, while I continued to laugh myself silly.

Everyone warned me about boys peeing while their diapers are being changed, and Nathan is 7 weeks tomorrow and he still hasn't done it. I guess he'd rather go big or go home...

Paychecks

In this land of motherhood it is easy to get depressed, and feel like you are doing a thankless job. How many times do you wash and dry and put away the same ol' clothes without anyone even noticing? Making the same bed day after day (okay I never make the bed), putting away the same toys. You catch my drift. You nurse around the clock for six weeks to a little super sucker who can barely manage a grunt, let alone a thank you.

I was talking to my mother-in-law about this. This feeling of never being done. Never feeling like I've accomplished anything at the end of the day. And she told me when her daughter got married in the temple, and she was in there, in the temple with 5 of  her 8 children (the other three aren't old enough yet), a temple worker said to her, "This is a paycheck". That resounded with me, and has been bouncing around inside my head for weeks now. A paycheck. As a mother! What a concept. So do I have to wait until my children are grown before I get a paycheck? As this thought bounced around I realized, no. No, I do not have to wait. I receive paychecks daily. Maybe even hourly.

A three year old seeing her pajamas left on the floor, hurriedly picks them and puts them where they belong without a word from you... Paycheck!

A two year old who sings a song back to you, that you've sung her a thousand times, filling in her own words where needed... Paycheck!

Two little girls who seem to fight endlessly, finally playing nicely together and saying "I love you" to one another... Paycheck!

Three year old holding the door open for an older gentleman at the YMCA... Paycheck!

Two year old telling you she loves you more than her binkies... Paycheck!

Watching two little girls oooh and aaaahh over their sleeping baby brother whom they absolutely adore... Paycheck!

A three year old teaching her little sister the songs she learned at church... Paycheck!

Listening to a newborn baby "talk" to you... Paycheck!

Watching newborn baby grow, chub up right before your eyes, knowing all his nurturing is coming from you.. paycheck!

A husband coming home from working so hard himself all day, taking a moment to appreciate how hard you've worked today too, and wraps his arms around you and hugs you and thanks you... PAYCHECK!

....and countless more.

So maybe this job isn't so thankless after all. Maybe I am accomplishing something every day. Maybe I just need to open my eyes a little more, and look for these paychecks that are given to me so freely. Even on days I don't deserve them at all. While it might be nice to be able to have a paycheck I could cash and go spend on whatever I want... I think I prefer these paychecks I'll never cash. These paychecks that I'll treasure forever. These paychecks of the heart.