I know this blog is in serious need of some cuteness.

It won't be in this post.

My heart still aches so much. I feel like I've been in a whirlwind of emotions. I know Poppy is still here. I have had certain spiritual experiences letting me know this. I know his spirit is eternal.

But I am going to miss that man so much.

But I'm also so grateful Olivia will only have fond memories of Poppy. There's no chance she'll remember him bedridden. Or not knowing who she was. Or mean and nasty. Or so sick. She'll remember showing him how she jumped off the diving board. And him always giving her lollipops. If she remembers at all. They will be fond. She's a lucky girl.

I have literally so much to do today. And I just can't bring myself to do any of it. I'm hoping by writing this I am getting some of it out. And I can move on, at least with my day. My heart is so broken for Nanny. Her companion of 55 years is gone. It's just heart breaking.

And then the knowledge I have of the Atonement. Of Eternal Families. I know it will be okay. We'll all be okay. But this week has been life altering. The entire dynamic of our family has changed.

I'm going back to NJ on Friday to stay with Nanny. We'll keep her busy. My kids will make her laugh. Times like this I am so so so so grateful we were prompted to come to PA. Except I wish it were even closer.

1 comment:

Liz said...

:-( I am so sad for you. It's been a rough year for me too... I hate losing people. I can't quite seem to get past the losing part right now. I think mostly it's because it's all been so unexpected. I think back to when great grandparents died... and the ones I knew all had really long illnesses before they went. I never really had to deal with ... the GRIEF part of it for the most part. It had already been dealt with before they left. Only in two instances before this year had I dealt with an unexpected death. And now that number has more than doubled. I sure feel for you. And pray for you, hoping it gets a little better every day.